Friday, April 15, 2011

Fear and Loathing in the Blogosphere

So, new blog. Well, old blog. Repurposed.

No one out there really knows me, yet. Not even if you followed my previous blogging projects.

This one is for me. Everything that I am.

Tonight, I'm reading Warrior Writer by Bob Mayer. And its introduction talks about what Warrior Writer means. And that definition is a lot of things, but one of the key things it addresses is fear. Fear and how to deal with fear.

It also asks, very pointedly, what it is we fear. Asks us to write it down. It was specifically about what we fear as writers. I started with that thought, but upon contemplation, I realized my fears in relation to writing have a resounding echo through my entire life.

I'm afraid of leading people astray.

I know, it sounds damnably proud of me to claim leadership. But I lead. Just like I think everyone has the potential to. To conquer lesser fears I throw myself forward to my goals, I don't allow myself to stop and think about what I'm running from.

The funny thing about forward motion? People tend to pick up on it. If I seem to be going in the same direction, others are willing to try beside me. That trust frightens me. I still don't know why people trusting me frightens me. Maybe it's the responsibility that comes with it. I don't like letting people down.

I confided these fears, and more, to a friend tonight. Worried about those following me. Worried about what failure would mean for all of us.

You know what. She helped. She reminded me that the worry wasn't something to give in to. Reminded me what it means to lead. And she reminded me I had a friend there when I was feeling my weakest.

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